18 Weeks

A few days ago I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep. I was turning from side to side and thought about getting up to watch some TV. Knowing it would just keep me up even longer, I opted to think until I fell asleep. I thought about what I would make for dinner the next day. And I thought about the new floor that was going to be delivered soon. Then I thought about the bathroom remodelling and the new closet Paul was going to build downstairs.

But...I was still awake.

I thought about the books I could be reading. And which ones I wanted to read first. I thought about the movies I hadn't watched yet and the ones I wanted to watch again.

Then I felt it. It wasn't a flutter, or gas. It wasn't quite like a poke and it definitely wasn't round ligament pain. It felt like a little muscle twitch, from the inside. It was a curious feeling. And I only felt it once that night but I have felt it since. Could it be my lil' bean saying hello? I'd like to think so, but I can't be sure. Not yet anyways.

After that, I wasn't so worried about getting to sleep. I started to think back about the last 18 weeks and how being pregnant had only felt like a dream. I was remembering those first couple of weeks in limbo. Not knowing if I was pregnant, and all I could do was wait and wonder. Then came the excitement of telling Paul that we were going to be parents. We were both so happy.

As the next few weeks went by, it had been hard not telling anybody. The thought of having a person developing & growing inside me was so foreign that I would sometimes wonder if it could be true. After all, I didn't look or feel any different except for being extra tired some days. But time passes, as it always does and I got used to thinking of myself as a nurturer.
As a person responsible for the growth and well being of another.
I had started seeing myself as a mother.

Now, with each passing week, thinking of my lil' bean puts an even bigger smile on my face. And the best thing about all this is that I've got someone very special to share it with.

This week my lil' bean is the size of a bell pepper. All the organs are in place and will be getting more mature here on out. His/her translucent skin is now covered in lanugo and vernix will soon be on the way. The skin has actually formed into two layers this week, the epidermis and the dermis. Taste buds are starting to form and the bones are continuing to harden. Just a few more weeks and I'll get to see my lil' bean again!