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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

On The Outside Looking In

When Riley was born, Pauly was only 15 months old.  A mere baby some would say.  But at the time I didn't think "baby" was the best word to describe him.  He'd always been fascinated by little children and when Riley showed up, his attitude never changed.  He was never jealous or unkind towards her.  It was exactly the opposite.  He loved his little sister to bits and would want her to "play" with him even though she lacked the skills to do so.

As Riley got older and learned to sit, crawl and finally walk, their interactions became more involved.  It sometimes resulted in tears because one had swiped a toy from the other but this was always quickly resolved.  Pauly had learned (with constant reminders from mom and dad) that if he was going to take a toy, he had to give one back.

Fast forward to now.  Pauly is just over 2.5 years old and Riley is 17 months old.  
Pauly has learned to share even when he really doesn't want to.
Riley knows that if she takes without asking she will have to give it back - and she does!
They both have learned to say I'm sorry, please and thank you.
They feed off each other but also rely on each other.
When one is sleeping, the other wants to wake them up.
When one is hurt, the other offers a hug.
If one needs help, the other is there to lend a hand.
They talk to each other and laugh with each other.

It's amazing to watch.  
I'm not sure if it's because they are so close in age or because they have great personalities.

Either way, I often find myself observing them.  Listening in on their conversation.
It fills my heart with the kind of unconditional love that only a parent can feel.
A love that aches and makes your eyes water.
Sheer joy in that moment - and there are lots of them.

A friend once told me that there is no greater love in life than children.
He was right.

Thank you God for Blessing me.
For these once in a lifetime moments.
Thank you for making me a mom.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It's been a while since I've tuned into myself and my thoughts. Since being back to work I find the days passing me by without a hint of slowing down. There's just not enough hours in the day to achieve all I would like (which truly is no surprise).

So as I make time for myself, I find my thoughts racing in every direction. Work, home and the never ending to do list. Each bringing emotions that are sometimes overwhelming.

The biggest hurdle in this chapter has been adjusting to my new job.  This has definitely not been easy. Almost every part of it has been unchartered territory and I've never had such a big learning curve to overcome. The fact that I didn't receive proper training was also a contributor to that sinking feeling. To be brutally honest - there were days when I just wanted to crawl under my desk and wait for it all to be over.
Sad, I know. It took a lot of self motivation and persistence to gain my confidence back. But the good news is... I did it. I've still got a lot to learn but I'm well on my way. The confusion that plagued me has turned into confidence and that's such a good feeling.

Home life has also done a 360. My nights include a 75 minute drive home, picking up the kids from daycare, feeding them and myself, 30 minutes of play and then we start the bedtime routine.  Once the kiddies are snuggly tucked in I start the clean up process.  Dishes, the table and chairs, toys all over the place.  After that, I can pack my lunch for the next day and finally take a shower.

Then it all starts over again the next day.  Monday to Friday.

But there is hope.  And it comes in the form of a weekend.  This two day "vacation" from work can sometimes be hard to navigate.  I find myself looking for the balance between what needs to get done and what really needs to get done.
There's always chores to do but my children need me more than I need to scrub the toilettes. But then again, how long is too long when pushing aside my domestic duties?  So I've come up with a plan and started putting it into action.  I get the kids to help.

Now, I know this is going to take a while before it really catches on, but I can see it taking shape.  This past weekend I was in real need of vacuuming.  The kids were not making this easy for me as they kept bringing out more toys as I was trying to clear a path for the vacuum.  The solution was for me to "plow" through it all.  And Pauly did not like this.  I think maybe he was unsure if his toys were going to get sucked up and be lost forever.  So I asked him nicely to move them all before the vacuum got too hungry.  Eurika!  He was helping me clean.  Then when it came time to mop, I made exaggerated movements with sound effects.  Yet agin he found this to look like fun so, I offered him the mop.  And he used it!
So for the last few days I've been trying to come up with chores for him.  Small, non essential things that could possibly set up the basis for accomplishing helpful tasks.  He is distracted easily, doesn't always listen and proclaims NO quite often.  But sometimes I do get "Pauly do it."