Joys of Motherhood

As many mom's know, there's so much joy in raising children. The dynamic between children and their parents vary depending on wether you're the father or mother. Things like how attached children are to a specific parent and what kind of caregiver you are varies during a child's life. On those extremely chaotic days I sometimes find myself thinking about fatherhood and how much easier it seems to be at the other end of the spectrum. I wouldn't want to change places permanently but, is the grass really greener on the other side? I can't answer that question but here are some things I would never give up in order to find out.

1. I will always know each of my children nine months longer than anyone. During this time I will experience their first kicks and hiccups. I will know when they are restless and when they are resting. And until they are born, they will be safe within me.

2. Only I can birth my children. Fathers are very much involved but let's face it, a mother does all the hard work. And even though labour and delivery is no walk in the park, when you are the first to hold a child you've been growing for so long, it's worth every agonizing moment.

3. Hormones. Oxytocin is a powerful thing. It can reek havoc with your emotions but in the end, it's responsible for that feeling of pure unconditional love.

4. Knowing exactly what my children need. It took a little practice but over time I have come to know the personalities of my children. I know when it's time to eat, nap or just cuddle with mommy.

And finally...
5. The bond created between a newborn and mom is definitely not worth giving up. I sometimes watch as my husband struggles to calm and sooth Riley and I realize how important it is for me to be there for her. When she seems unconsolable in the arms of someone, and all it takes is mommy's arms and a short lullaby to calm her I know I couldn't want anything else out of life. Don't get me wrong, when she is fed, changed and doesn't need a nap, she is very happy spending time with dad and I love watching them together but, motherhood is the absolute joy of life.

So I'll end this post with one of my favourtite quotes:

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”
-Bhagwan Rajneesh

18 Weeks

A few days ago I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep. I was turning from side to side and thought about getting up to watch some TV. Knowing it would just keep me up even longer, I opted to think until I fell asleep. I thought about what I would make for dinner the next day. And I thought about the new floor that was going to be delivered soon. Then I thought about the bathroom remodelling and the new closet Paul was going to build downstairs.

But...I was still awake.

I thought about the books I could be reading. And which ones I wanted to read first. I thought about the movies I hadn't watched yet and the ones I wanted to watch again.

Then I felt it. It wasn't a flutter, or gas. It wasn't quite like a poke and it definitely wasn't round ligament pain. It felt like a little muscle twitch, from the inside. It was a curious feeling. And I only felt it once that night but I have felt it since. Could it be my lil' bean saying hello? I'd like to think so, but I can't be sure. Not yet anyways.

After that, I wasn't so worried about getting to sleep. I started to think back about the last 18 weeks and how being pregnant had only felt like a dream. I was remembering those first couple of weeks in limbo. Not knowing if I was pregnant, and all I could do was wait and wonder. Then came the excitement of telling Paul that we were going to be parents. We were both so happy.

As the next few weeks went by, it had been hard not telling anybody. The thought of having a person developing & growing inside me was so foreign that I would sometimes wonder if it could be true. After all, I didn't look or feel any different except for being extra tired some days. But time passes, as it always does and I got used to thinking of myself as a nurturer.
As a person responsible for the growth and well being of another.
I had started seeing myself as a mother.

Now, with each passing week, thinking of my lil' bean puts an even bigger smile on my face. And the best thing about all this is that I've got someone very special to share it with.

This week my lil' bean is the size of a bell pepper. All the organs are in place and will be getting more mature here on out. His/her translucent skin is now covered in lanugo and vernix will soon be on the way. The skin has actually formed into two layers this week, the epidermis and the dermis. Taste buds are starting to form and the bones are continuing to harden. Just a few more weeks and I'll get to see my lil' bean again!